I'm ugly and I don't know why
by RyvenSilverflame
Summary: This is just some brain drippings while I was listening to a song. KouKou friendship with suicide, mystery diseases, and song lyrics. Rated for langauge


Hey guys, I was listening to a favorite song of mine just now and it semi-inspired my for this little dribble. The song is this awesome bit called "I'm Ugly, and I don't know why," by a band called Butt Trumpet. My ex-boyfriend sent it along one day… maybe I should have read more into it at the time, eh? Oh well, who cares, I was having sex, after all. When it rains on the Sahara, you don't ask why, you collect the water, right? So here we are, I don't own it, I don't profit from it, so you can't sue over it, hai?

LEGEND: "_words" _denotes song lyrics (…) indicates lyrics that I couldn't make fit with the story.

"I'm ugly and I don't know why."

"_I was walking home from school one day, _

_When I saw Danny standing there._

_I tried to show him my dirty underwear,_

_He should me his but nothing could compare."_

"Danny," Kouichi moaned softly as his boyfriend's hands roamed over his body, inexpertly exploring his form. "God, I want this, Dan, please…"

"God, Kou, you're so…" Danny, the star of the high school basketball team, pant3ed in response paused, his hands stopping their frantic movement. "What the fuck?" He tensed, looking down at the livid red mark on his boyfriend's chest.

Shaped a bit like a skull it was a token of Kouichi's past that he'd never quite been able to get rid off. Half healed, the blister would crack and bleed a little. It was Kouichi's second most closely guarded secret, only a handful of friends knew about it, and where it'd come from. The boy panicked, trying to think of an explanation.

"That's.. it's just a scar… I got it in a fight once… the doctor said that it needed to time to heal…" Kouichi mumbled.

"It's disgusting.. It's oozing.. FUCK, I got some on my hands.." Danny pulled away, revolted, and began dressing. His face was etched with loathing in the dome-light of the car. "We're going the fuck home, and then you're loosing my damned number."

"Danny, man, please," Kouichi plead, "don't. It's nothing…"

"Listen, Kou," came the cruel reply. "I risked a lot going out with you, the least that out could do was.. To be healthy…," Danny spluttered climbing back into the front. The jock wasn't noticed for his eloquence or proper grammar.

Kouichi sighed, buttoning the dress shirt back up. He didn't even try to go up front. It wasn't worth it.

"_He said: 'You're ugly!_

_What the fuck gave birth to you?_

_You're ugly!_

_And I bet your mom is too!_

_You're ugly!_

_Man, what's WITH THAT dude?_

_You're ugly because, you're ugly!'"_

Kouichi spent the night crying, his mother unable to stop his tears. She didn't know about the infamous mark, she just knew that her son was sensitive; often she didn't know how to respond to him. She thought of some one who could though. She ran to the phone to call the one person that might be able to help.

"_I sometimes wonder, _

_When I think back to those days:_

'_Why did all the boys get scared,_

_And runaway?'_

_So I looked into a mirror, _

_To see if was true._

_My reflection looked at,_

_Like it was scared too, and it said:_

'_You're Ugly!'"_

Meanwhile, up in his room, Kouichi looked at himself in the mirror. Nude, every light in the room one, there was no way to hide from the mark on his breast. The death's-head wound laughed at him even as it wept blood and puss in a tiny line down his otherwise smooth body. It was true, it was disgusting, _he_ was disgusting.

Well, you don't want to overstay your welcome, the saying went; it was abundantly clear that Kou's welcome was up. Unwanted, rejected again, it was time to go. It would be easy, after all. He had a private bathroom, he had a razor. He had a problem, and he had a solution.

"_He said: 'You're ugly!_

_What the fuck gave birth to you?_

_You're ugly!_

_And I bet your mom is too!_

_You're ugly!_

_Man, what's WITH THAT dude?_

_You're ugly because, you're ugly!'"_

Kouji rushed to his brother's home. Kouichi's mom, Kouji still had troubles thinking of her as her own, sounded terrified on the phone. He'd moved only a few blocks away, so that his family could resolve some of their issues, and arrived into time to hear a yell from upstairs. A high pitched, female yell of anger and negation.

He was never sure afterwards how he got up there to his twin's bathroom. Get there, he did, and found his brother muzzily telling their mother not to cry, that he'd solved everything. She, shook her head, hands clasping his wrists tightly. The floor was red… at last where Kouichi laid.

"What in the hell is this?" Kouji asked, breathless with his run, his fear, and his confusion.

"Kouji? Call the police, Kouji, please…" their mother whimpered. "He's hurt.. Himself…"

"Kou-chan… why are you here? What…?" the dark haired mirror of himself tried to focus darkening eyes on his twins form. "I'm sorry brother….:

"Kou, no.. please…." Kouji staggered back, reeling from the revelation.

"an ambulance… anything… Kouji… call…"

"good bye… my brother… I'm so sorry….:

Kouji knew only darkness then.

"_Let me tell you guys a little story,_

_About my second grade love;_

_His name was Danny _

_and he was looking so good this one day,_

_In his plaid tough-skins._

_Everyday after school,_

_I would go pick him up at his classroom."_

It had been a month since Kouichi's attempted suicide. Somehow their mother had gotten to the phone, and summoned an ambulance. Kouji was treated for shook and allowed to leave after one day. His twin, however, had staid to be treated for his wounds and to receive a psychological evaluation. The road had been rough, but the doctors figured that he was ok to attend school once again; cautioning him to stick to his meds and his therapy appointments.

Kouji had hung around his brother most of the day, shielding him from the comments that had been floating around about both the older twins scar and his breakdown. He couldn't keep it up all day, of course, and that's when trouble struck. He was leaving his history class, cutting past the gym on the way to the café to pick up Kouichi. There was his twin, with three guys, harassing him while he tried not to cry.

"_One day these three little girls came out right before he did_

_(…)_

_And I looked at them_

_(…)_

_And I said:_

_(…)_

' _I'm gonna have to kick your fuckin' ass bitch!'_

_Then I told her to:_

'_turn around, and bend over.'_

_Then I gave her another crack in her ass!'"_

"Kouji? Are you ok?" Kouichi knelt beside his brother, looking down into his eyes, worried. Kouji had just taken on Danny and two of his friends. The slight boy had made a good showing of himself, flooring Danny before his two goons had stepped in and beaten him to a pulp.

"Huh? Kouichi?" the younger twin shook the cobwebs from his head and smiled a little, despite the dirt and runner of blood coming from his nose. "They gone?"

Kouichi gave a relieved laugh. "Yeah, yeah they are. You look like hell."

"Did I get Danny at least?"

"He didn't look good when they took him away, yeah."

Kouji smirked and winked a bruised eye. "That's what he gets for fucking with you."

the end! 

Cute huh? KouKou rules! Please review.


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